The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, «Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?»

Little Stevie raised his hand and said «I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette.» The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, «I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche.» The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, «I would want silicone.» The teacher said, «Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?» «Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!»

One summer a man is visiting the holy land with his wife and his mother in law.

While they are visiting various religious sites the mother in law is taken ill and goes back to the hotel to rest.  The husband and wife continue visiting religious buildings. When they finally return to the hotel they find the mother in law has, sadly, passed away.

They contact a funeral service which promptly arrives and arranges the funeral service.

In order to confirm the details the funeral director speaks to the husband about the possibilities he has for the funeral.

“You have two possibilities for the funeral” says the funeral director.

“You can have your mother in law buried here in the holy land, the birthplace of Christianity and it will only cost $500 or you can have her flown back home and it will cost you $5000.”

The husband starts to think about the situation and decides to have his mother in law flown home.

The funeral director asks “Why would you prefer to spend $5000 in your mother in law’s funeral when you can spend only $500 ?”

The husband explains “That’s very simple. About 2000 years ago a man died in the holy land and three days later he came back to life. I just don’t want to risk it………”

A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn’t in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. «What’s the matter, dear?» she asks. «Why are you down here at this time of night?»

The husband looks up from his coffee, «Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?» he asks solemnly.

«Yes, I do,» she replies.

«Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?»

«Yes, I remember,» says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues, «Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?’»

«I remember that, too,» she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, «I would have got out today».